It is over a year now since my Nan died. This was a huge event in my life. Nan had always been there and I’d always been very very close to her. July 17 2007. And she was gone.
Here is the eulogy I delivered on behalf of the family – and myself.
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We are gathered here to celebrate the life and rejoice in the legacy of our sister, our mother, our nan, our grandmother, our great grandmother, our friend – Dorothy Gilroy.
She was born 5th April 1917 to Edward Ratcliffe and Catherine nee Kuskoff, the third daughter of a family of 8 boys and 7 girls, and grew up on the family property just outside Woombye. Dot recalls a boisterous and loving childhood, where she suffered at least two unsuccessful attempts to remove her fingers by her brothers, and remembers the gentleness of her father, sitting her on his knee and singing her songs. Coming from such a large, loving family, it is no surprise that her life, as we remember it, revolved around creating and nurturing a large, loving family of her own.
Since those early days in Woombye, and on via Yabba, Arriacaera, Brooloo, Gympie, Kenilworth, Conandale, Kingaroy, Kumbia, Ironpot, Gherulla and finally Clifton, this amazing woman, small in stature but big in heart, spirit and soul, has walked and touched the lives of so many and planted the seeds of her sprawling clan. Our presence here today is testament to this.
So what is there to say of Dot, to remember and celebrate? We all have our memories, our stories, our own inner place for this amazing woman. For the next few minutes, I ask you to remember and reflect with me. When I set to this task, of writing a eulogy for my Nan at her request, I was overwhelmed with the memories, the stories to tell, and wondered how I could possibly do the life and legacy of this woman justice. In talking with my cousins, my uncles and aunties, it became clear that while each of our experiences and memories are different, together they paint a picture of Dot that we can all recognise. And that is a woman devoted to her family. A woman who loved her family fiercely. A great woman who put others first yet always believed in herself and the abilities of her children and grandchildren. A woman who accepted our faults and inspired us to be better people.
When I think about my childhood, Dot, Nan to me, is always looming large. Most of my wildest adventures as a young boy involved blowing things up and burning things with my cousins on her property in Kenilworth. She was always encouraging of our mischief, happy to see us playing outside, cleaning up her property, removing pesky ‘stumps’, and was there whenever we needed her to tend to burns, scratches and busted heads (luckily we never got anything more serious than that, though I can’t imagine how). I guess, having seen her children – our parents – survive their many misdeeds and misadventures, and survived her own boisterous childhood, she understood the need for our exuberance and encouraged it – and often stood up for us in the face of our parents disapproval.
Because Dot never expected perfection from her family. She never judged us harshly. She knew that what was most important for us as we grew up was to know that we are loved, no matter what. She accepted us for who we are, and looked beyond our faults, our flaws, to see the good and best in all of us. Dot loved us all fiercely. And I know that her love has been a pillar of strength for so many of us here today when things have not gone well. We all knew we could turn to Dot and she would love us, and most likely make us a cup of tea and some fresh hot scones if we were really lucky.
Over the last few years, as Dot’s health deteriorated, her success in passing on to us her values has become obvious. As one example, my first wedding anniversary, holidaying at Mooloolaba, I got the call that Nan was probably leaving us. She was in emergency and her body was failing. There was no hesitation. I was in the car on the way to the Toowoomba hospital in no time (my wife setting some kind of landspeed record on the way, perhaps completing her induction to the Gilroy family 
). In the waiting room that night, as we waited for news on Dot’s health, those family members present had an impromptu New Years Eve party – with pavlova, coffee, chips, and the fireworks on TV. We came together as family, just as she had taught us. As a family, death was something we could face.
Kathy told me that Dot used to always tell her kids “You are as good as – but no better – than anybody”. I don’t recall her having ever said that to me, but the message of self-belief tempered by humility is one that I’m sure we have all heard through Dot’s life. She never took a backward step or saw herself as inferior – and has raised her kids, and influenced her grandchildren to be the same. But she never put on any airs or graces. She was always grounded and never liked a fuss made over her. “Don’t you worry about me” she would always say – right up until the end – always putting others first. Even recently, unwell and short of breath, my Mum told me she would stand and offer others her chair.
Dot showed us what it is to be great – to serve others and to love fiercely. She learnt from her Mum that no matter how bad you think you have it, there are always others doing it worse. Dot’s Mum would often send her and her older siblings off to ‘the not well off’ with any surplus food they had back in the 1920s and 30s. These early lessons helped shape her in to the egalitarian and charitable woman we all have known and loved.
In the words of some of her children, “Mum is a true hero”. Dot was the silent beating heart and driving spirit behind Pop and her family, always there, always making things happen, always making the sacrifices necessary to ensure her kids got what they needed and deserved – and then, as they arrived, this was extended to her grandchildren and great grandchildren. The only acknowledgement or reward she ever needed or wanted was to see her family happy, to have them around her.
“You are as good as – but no better – than anybody” – While we all agree with Dot when it comes to us, we all know she was a cut above, someone extraordinary, that has given us more than we will ever fully understand, and her passing leaves a hole in each of our lives. Today we remember her, her life, her fierce, unrelenting love, and give thanks for her legacy, the gifts of family, friendship, acceptance, humility, that is now a part of all of us. And we go forward, and from this place today, knowing that we have been blessed to have shared our lives with Dorothy Gilroy, and that we are better people because of it.
